Reason 1,453 NOT to Cook

Tonight at about 6:45 PM I heard something crash in the kitchen. My first impulse was to lock the door and dial 911. I worked past it and walked in the kitchen. About a 5 foot hole that was once part of the ceiling is now part of the floor.

Luckily I wasn't in the kitchen cooking dinner or it could have killed me, or at a minimum, ruined a perfectly good pair of underpants.

I-Key-UGH

Don’t ever order anything online from IKEA. I mean it, save yourself the trouble. If you’re feeling masochistic, cut off a toe or something. Don’t sit in your house all day waiting for an order to be delivered, only for two strangers to show up with four tiny boxes that weigh half a pound and they forgot about the two closets.

Those Swedes. I bet they all sit at home right now, enjoying their 24-hour daylight and laughing at the silly Americans. “Ha, ha, I can’t believe they fell for our company – IKEA, ha, ha, ha…” And Sven, the jokester mastermind behind it all would say, “Yeah, my ‘delivery’ scam was brilliant, ha, ha, make them wait a month for furniture they have to assemble THEMSELVES, ha, ha, ha, or better yet, don't deliver it at all, ha, ha, ha..."