Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Cascading Coffee

This morning, as always, everyone jumped off the ferry and raced to the bus. It was raining so there was even more incentive to beat your fellow passenger to the terminal.

I was rounding the bend and had just passed two men, when the woman in front of me slipped under the turnstile. She slid backwards with one leg in front of her and one behind her and has this look on her face like 'I forget, why am I looking at the ceiling?' I might have laughed if I wasn't convinced that she tore her ACL and threw out a shoulder.

When I asked if she was okay, she did that thing people do, where they jump up real fast like, 'What? Me? No, I wasn't on the floor?' But as she quickly jumped up saying she was fine, she spilled an entire large cup of iced coffee all over herself.

I almost pissed myself. I don't know which was funnier, that she busted her ass, but managed not to spill her coffee, or that she was professing to be fine, while staining her entire outfit.

Brits Defeat America in a Landslide Victory

Today Britian crushed America in World Championship game of Politeness. When team captians were interviewed afterwards, losing American captain, Rude E said, "Bitches cheated. Stupid game, get outta my way" before pushing the interviewer down.

Not to be outdone, the British captain counter-attacked with, "It was a lovely game against a brilliant opponent and I felt a tingle of pride to win. Cheers!"

How is it that British people are loads nicer that Americans? They have less land-mass, their weather is terrible, food is deplorable, they're constantly terror attacked, and yet, they have a sunny disposition. How does this happen?

I'm trying to coordinate meetings with American executives and their British counterparts and the discrepancy between the two is amazing!

When I call, these are the greatings I get.

Happy voice, "'Ello. Mr. Important's line. How may I help you?"

Long annoyed sigh... "Yeah?"

And I know the conversation with the American is over when they abruptly hang up mid-sentence, yet with the British, I'm never sure when the farwell will end. "Thank you, bye for now, cheers, bye, see you later, okay, bye-bye, cheers, bye..." I usually just wait until I hear them finally put the phone down, then quietly hang up, just incase they try to squeeze in one more cheers.

I don't have a solution to this or a final punch, because there isn't one. It's one of the many unsolved mysteries that will be explored for all of eternity...which came first the chicken or the egg? Is there an afterlife? And why are British so damn nice?

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