Why Having a Newborn is like Living with a Drunk...

After a couple of bottles, she passes out and I have to carry her to bed.

At least once a week she throws up in my hair.

She always instigates an argument with a completely innocent blanket.

There's lots of crying for no apparent reason.

She slurs her words, and has no concept of how loud she's talking.

She's always spilling her drink on her shirt.

She craps her pants in her sleep, and really, who hasn't done that while drunk?

Her hands start to shake when she's gone too long without a bottle.

She always has the hiccups.

And inevitably, around 3 am, she calls and I have to go and pick her up.

Soy Lucky

I've been at comedy for over a year and I finally got my big break!

Fame, although elusive and persnickety, finally found me. No, not my name in lights at the Beekman Theatre or my name on the board outside of Caroline’s Comedy Club – but my name in chalk at Soy Luck Club! That's right, a drink named after moi...for a limited time only....right under the panini special.

Actually, it should be called Bev's Frog Frost, and not Bev's Tropical Frost, but I won't get bogged down with details – they got my name right! It could have been Beth's Tropical Frost or Becky's Tropical Bird – but no, it's Bev's! So my name is finally on a board somewhere! Whoo-hooo!

I know fame is fleeting and fragile. At any moment, my 15 minutes of food fame could be over with just the swipe of an eraser, so I've got to enjoy it while it lasts. So get on down to Soy Luck Club and say you want a Bev's Frog Frost.

And I don't want to hear any whining that it's snowing out and too cold for an iced drink. My drink is season-less, like a white t-shirt or a Marc Jacobs bag. Bev's Frog Frost is not for the weak, it's not for the faint-hearted... it's for the ballsy, tough, rugged people who can handle the raw power of pure green tea, coconut and honey.

Be all that you can be – with some green tea.

www.soyluckclub.com

* Drink green tea at your own risk.

** The comments above are comedic and do not reflect the views ofthe Soy Luck Club or any of its affiliates.

*** These statements have not be approved by the Food and Frog Administration.

**** If you are allergic to nuts, you should not attend one of Bev's comedy shows, because there are a lot of nuts there.