Why Having a Newborn is like Living with a Drunk...

After a couple of bottles, she passes out and I have to carry her to bed.

At least once a week she throws up in my hair.

She always instigates an argument with a completely innocent blanket.

There's lots of crying for no apparent reason.

She slurs her words, and has no concept of how loud she's talking.

She's always spilling her drink on her shirt.

She craps her pants in her sleep, and really, who hasn't done that while drunk?

Her hands start to shake when she's gone too long without a bottle.

She always has the hiccups.

And inevitably, around 3 am, she calls and I have to go and pick her up.