Trumpets Sounding

What have I done? I’ve opened up a can of beans with my methane gas as an alternative fuel suggestion!

Weds I ate lunch in Central Park. It was a breezy, beautiful, sunny, 70 degrees day. A man with a dog came and sat down behind me. He stretched out, got a bit too relaxed and loudly released a gust of his own wind. He looked both surprised and guilty, and then he looked at the dog. I thought, “Don’t even try it. No way a dog that small created a sound that big.”

Then last night I was walking home and got behind a group of college kids that had just walked out of a bar. They were walking slow, so I walked up behind them and at the next street, I was going to squeeze past them. The kid in the very back slowed down even more, so he was about a foot in front of me. Right before I passed him, he passed on me. He even leaned to the right and shook his left leg. I half expected something to fall out of the bottom of his pants leg. He too made the same shocked and surprised look when we made eye contact.

Then it happened again today in the ladies bathroom at work. It's the protocol that when you know you have a stall mate, you release it slowly and silently. There are the standard sighing tinkle toots that you expect to hear in a ladies restroom, but this one was something you’d expect to hear at an elephant camp. It sounded like someone simultaneously opening a can of soda and a music box, “pffttttt-doodle-dooooo-dooodle-doooo-pffffffftttttt.”

Three strangers within three days tooted in front of me. One quite literally in front of me. What is this world coming to? I felt like I was part of the plot of a cult movie. One of those with three different story lines, then at the end you realize the thing they all had in common was they ripped one in front of the same woman by accident.