The Curmudgeon Curse

My full name is Beverly and my husband's full name is Arthur. Arthur and Beverly – we sound like two retirees living in Boca, him in his plaid pants, me in my moo moo. He's complaining about taxes and I'm just complaining.

But names cycle around, so by the time I really am an old retiree living in Florida, Beverly and Arthur will be the hip, cool, young names. So we'll be able to get in all the hot clubs. Bouncers will be expecting young sexy people, and I'll show up with my walker, Art with his cane.

And I know when I do get old, I'm gonna throw a hip out. And I don't want it to happen while I'm getting milk out of the frig, or trying to open a cabinet. I want it to happen when I'm doing something memorable, like cage dancing in South Beach.