Mouse Lee

Rats...again. I saw it in person yesterday. I opened the cabinet and there he was, the little grey scoundrel. We were both startled. I slammed the cabinet and screamed for my husband, Art, who calmly came in, asking what all the hubbub was about. He told me that I shouldn't complain because I said that I wanted a pet. When I told him this isn't the pet I wanted, it was a good platform for his "we should get a cat speech."

Back to the rat. I now know the reason Art doesn't think I should "kill God's smartest creature" is because he doesn't want to have to deal with the carcus disposal. He didn't want to open the cabinet, so he got an umbrella to pry the door open. Turns out, he had good reason not to open the cabinet with his bare hands.

As the door opened, the rat charged us like something out of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Rodent. He flew out off the shelf towards us, straight out. It wasn't like he just fell off the shelf, no he took a running start. And I heard a little mini "heiiiii-yaaaahhh" and he held his front paws out. After his flying ninja move, he realized that there were two of us. One he could have taken, but not two, so he turned around and darted back in the cabinet.

Art used his best fencing moves with the green unmbrella. He stabbed at innocent boxes in the pantry, convinced his Zorro moves would give us a second chance at Mouse Lee.

I tried to explain that he was long gone. "What? Like houdini?"

"Yes, exactly like Houdini!"

Not until the pantry was completely bare did he believe me that they can fit through a hole the size of a pencil.

One thing more annoying than sharing your living space with a rodent is it's selective eating habits. He tore into my Veggie Booty like there was no tomorrow, yet shredded the packaging of my spinach brown rice pasta, only to walk away without even take a bite. Now, that's just rude. I will never again get Art to eat this again, as "even a rat wouldn't eat that!"

After a few minutes of cleaning up rat poo and throwing out food, I went back to my life. I started to dry my hair, and the lights went out, then back on, then out, then back on, then out. Of course, the most logical thought popped in my head first...the rat was gnawing through the wiring to short out all the lights. Once dark and confused, he would attack us using his sharp teeth and stealth ninja moves.

When I ran in the dark to my strong Zorro for saving, but startled as I reached him, he screamed like a school girl as he tried to run away from me.

Turns out we have cats living in the house after all. Two scaredy cats.